Spent a lot of time on different websites browsing lately.
Usually look at accessories again.
This time for the phone and earrings. Kind of weird since I don't have any piercings.
I really need to find something else to do; good thing, my purchases aren't expensive or remotely high.
I need to save up for my trip. Must stop buying stuff.
Need to get rid of the shopping bug.
Must not buying impulse stuff for the month of July.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
Looped Sleep
Went several days without music looping during sleep.
Now back to looping music.
P!nk's album is pretty good. It's not too rock to disrupt my sleep.
Granted, I can sleep through a rock/metal band playing.
I can sleep through routine Thursday neighbour lawn mowing.
My deep sleep sure is powerful.
Sometimes, I hate it when it caused me to miss certain things that I regretted later.
I have better control and timing of my sleep.
Maybe it's the routine hours of work and breaks.
It could be healthier body.
Who knows.
As sleep as I have my sleep, I am happy.
I don't mind staying up if I have the energy or chilling with people.
Now back to looping music.
P!nk's album is pretty good. It's not too rock to disrupt my sleep.
Granted, I can sleep through a rock/metal band playing.
I can sleep through routine Thursday neighbour lawn mowing.
My deep sleep sure is powerful.
Sometimes, I hate it when it caused me to miss certain things that I regretted later.
I have better control and timing of my sleep.
Maybe it's the routine hours of work and breaks.
It could be healthier body.
Who knows.
As sleep as I have my sleep, I am happy.
I don't mind staying up if I have the energy or chilling with people.
P!nk
Haven't put any CD in the new car yet so I was listening to radio for the first time in a while.
On the way home from work, I caught a glimpse of the past.
P!nk was on the radio with her new song, "Just Give Me a Reason."
I haven't listened to much English music for a while except the popular plays on the radios or other places.
Listening to P!nk reminds me of how great she was and she is still great.
I love her voice: husky and powerful.
Her song is really nice. It got me off guard a bit because I haven't heard something this powerful and soothing for a while on the radio. The beat, rhythm and lyrics are simple yet catchy and meaningful.
There is still hope in the music industry as long as she is making great music.
On the way home from work, I caught a glimpse of the past.
P!nk was on the radio with her new song, "Just Give Me a Reason."
I haven't listened to much English music for a while except the popular plays on the radios or other places.
Listening to P!nk reminds me of how great she was and she is still great.
I love her voice: husky and powerful.
Her song is really nice. It got me off guard a bit because I haven't heard something this powerful and soothing for a while on the radio. The beat, rhythm and lyrics are simple yet catchy and meaningful.
There is still hope in the music industry as long as she is making great music.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Bye Bye Memories, Hello Memories
Today, we finished the 4-year lease on our first Honda CRV (Chinese Recreational Vehicle) - this still cracks me up, we traded in for a new one.
The features are slightly different.
It feels like couple that I got that car. It was my first true SUV. I love that car. It has good handling fun. Highway was the best. It felt like it was flying. Best part, no speeding tickets.
I had a lot of fond memories while driving that car. Lots of US trips with memorable people; slightly exceeding the recommended speed limit. Shopping til the back trunk is completely full. Smell like Costco pizza or chicken. It has great cargo space.
I hope this newer edition will continue to bring me fond memories or even better memories. Here's to leasing new life in the Chinese Recreational Vehicle... what a bad pun... =___=
The features are slightly different.
It feels like couple that I got that car. It was my first true SUV. I love that car. It has good handling fun. Highway was the best. It felt like it was flying. Best part, no speeding tickets.
I had a lot of fond memories while driving that car. Lots of US trips with memorable people; slightly exceeding the recommended speed limit. Shopping til the back trunk is completely full. Smell like Costco pizza or chicken. It has great cargo space.
I hope this newer edition will continue to bring me fond memories or even better memories. Here's to leasing new life in the Chinese Recreational Vehicle... what a bad pun... =___=
Monday, June 24, 2013
Dilemma
I don't know if I should happy or sad that I lost weight...
My new larger size pants and belts don't fit...
*sigh*...
My new larger size pants and belts don't fit...
*sigh*...
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Half way...
I just passed half way mark of my goal.
I was 176 lbs when I decided to lose 20 lbs by the end of summer.
I was generalizing it. In order to gain muscle, your weight should go up since muscle weighs heavier than fat.
However, I haven't been able to work out for a while due to sickness and muscle ache.
Fortunately, due to sickness, I changed my habit of eating.
I haven't eaten any food past 10:00pm.
I haven't had chips since the end of April.
I think I ate less at dinner at home.
I haven't been going out to eat for a while... since I am sick and all.
Just right now, I weighted myself at 165 lbs. That's a whooping 12 lbs difference.
I weighted myself during mornings since I don't have any food entered for at least 10 hours.
I am pretty happy about.
Once I get better and not sick anymore, I will go to the gym to burn the excess fat and start toning the body.
It feels good my tummy is flattened a bit.
Now, if I could get a dog, I could walk him/her everyday. That'll be nice.
I was 176 lbs when I decided to lose 20 lbs by the end of summer.
I was generalizing it. In order to gain muscle, your weight should go up since muscle weighs heavier than fat.
However, I haven't been able to work out for a while due to sickness and muscle ache.
Fortunately, due to sickness, I changed my habit of eating.
I haven't eaten any food past 10:00pm.
I haven't had chips since the end of April.
I think I ate less at dinner at home.
I haven't been going out to eat for a while... since I am sick and all.
Just right now, I weighted myself at 165 lbs. That's a whooping 12 lbs difference.
I weighted myself during mornings since I don't have any food entered for at least 10 hours.
I am pretty happy about.
Once I get better and not sick anymore, I will go to the gym to burn the excess fat and start toning the body.
It feels good my tummy is flattened a bit.
Now, if I could get a dog, I could walk him/her everyday. That'll be nice.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Shine of Hope
After sharing a late night talk with a close friend, I think I have decided what to do with my situation. Funny thing about life is, you never know who is going through similar situation. I was fortunate that she forgave my absence. I was fortunate that she is willing to listen to my story. It turns out I showed up in her life at the right time to listen to her story. Life is funny this way. Thank you once again for everything tonight. It was a good talk.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Diamond ring
Working at drive-thru, I came across a lot of people everyday.
I notice a lot of women have a nice diamond ring on their fingers.
Different size, different brightness.
The ring symbolizes eternity; not wealth.
I hope one day, I can give one to my woman.
I notice a lot of women have a nice diamond ring on their fingers.
Different size, different brightness.
The ring symbolizes eternity; not wealth.
I hope one day, I can give one to my woman.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Lost patience...
Today was not a good day overall.
Work was busy but that's not the point.
Customers were rude as hell. At many moment of the day, I wish I could throw stuff at them; yell at them; cuss at them. But nope, that's the a big no-no at retail/customer service.
The store was busy but drive-thru didn't get much help from the rest of the team. We had a line-up and customers got angry. Some customers wanted to change order at the window; other customers had to wait longer; they get angry.
It's not a good day overall.
I lost patience and thinking "fuck it".
I would say I am a patience person but today drove me over the edge.
I feel so mad that I would to talk to someone; yet, no one is here for me.
I want to scream out loud again.
Work was busy but that's not the point.
Customers were rude as hell. At many moment of the day, I wish I could throw stuff at them; yell at them; cuss at them. But nope, that's the a big no-no at retail/customer service.
The store was busy but drive-thru didn't get much help from the rest of the team. We had a line-up and customers got angry. Some customers wanted to change order at the window; other customers had to wait longer; they get angry.
It's not a good day overall.
I lost patience and thinking "fuck it".
I would say I am a patience person but today drove me over the edge.
I feel so mad that I would to talk to someone; yet, no one is here for me.
I want to scream out loud again.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Weight loss
I lost 6 lbs over the last 3 weeks...
However, I didn't change my diet.
Something is wrong with my body...
Am I dying?
Or I've been sick for a while...
Or something is wrong with my body...
However, I didn't change my diet.
Something is wrong with my body...
Am I dying?
Or I've been sick for a while...
Or something is wrong with my body...
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
When You're Gone
Wake up really early again...
This song is stuck in my head.
Every time, I think about you.
It's this song.
This one year has changed a lot.
For the both of us.
It's weird how 3 years have changed this much.
I still miss you.
Troubling thoughts
Just woke up in the middle of the night after a troubling dream...
I don't know what to make of it.
The troubling thoughts came back to haunt me.
Finally having a better sleep since sick, now I am awake.
Watched a podcast today talking about losing someone you care and love.
They said it's nature to be sad throughout the process.
It shows you have feeling for that someone.
All this time, I still do.
I can't show it because that someone doesn't feel the same way.
I still can't comprehend the fact that I lost her.
What should I do?
Letting go is not easy and I don't want to.
How can people let go of someone who mean the world to you?
I don't know how others do that...
I don't know what to make of it.
The troubling thoughts came back to haunt me.
Finally having a better sleep since sick, now I am awake.
Watched a podcast today talking about losing someone you care and love.
They said it's nature to be sad throughout the process.
It shows you have feeling for that someone.
All this time, I still do.
I can't show it because that someone doesn't feel the same way.
I still can't comprehend the fact that I lost her.
What should I do?
Letting go is not easy and I don't want to.
How can people let go of someone who mean the world to you?
I don't know how others do that...
Monday, June 10, 2013
The Simpsons: Homer Buddha
Finally received Kidrobot's Homer Buddha; thankfully, they restock.
The box was huge. I didn't expect to be the box to be that big.
Inside the box is the Homer Buddha. It doesn't have a lot of accessories, only a pretzel and a chain of beads.
This is the sealed version.
Once it's opened, you can open the beads and pretzel into his hands. Also, his head can turn.
For $50.00 USD, it was pretty good for 6 inch collectible. It was on sale for approximate $35.00 USD during Memorial Day; however, there was no sale for shipping to Canada.
The box was huge. I didn't expect to be the box to be that big.
Once it's opened, you can open the beads and pretzel into his hands. Also, his head can turn.
For $50.00 USD, it was pretty good for 6 inch collectible. It was on sale for approximate $35.00 USD during Memorial Day; however, there was no sale for shipping to Canada.
Early mornings...
Lately, on my days off, like today. I am up fairly early.
It may not be 7am or 8am but still better than 12pm.
It may be my sickness, I don't know.
Usually I just sit in my bed and check emails, browse around for an hour or so.
Right now, most of the time is just thinking back the past, wishing and hoping for the future.
How much I missed out on little things that don't seem to matter.
The saying was right,
"You don't know how much something's worth until you lose it."
If I ever get it back, I would never let it go.
Every morning, I would think she would be beside me.
I would stare at her sleeping face with a silly smile.
To me, that's love.
Waking up with you beside me every morning.
Comfortable, relax, happy, secured.
Right now, I can't give any of that.
My state, my future, my attitude is not secured.
I can only work to achieve those for myself before I can offer those.
Until then, I am on my own.
It may not be 7am or 8am but still better than 12pm.
It may be my sickness, I don't know.
Usually I just sit in my bed and check emails, browse around for an hour or so.
Right now, most of the time is just thinking back the past, wishing and hoping for the future.
How much I missed out on little things that don't seem to matter.
The saying was right,
"You don't know how much something's worth until you lose it."
If I ever get it back, I would never let it go.
Every morning, I would think she would be beside me.
I would stare at her sleeping face with a silly smile.
To me, that's love.
Waking up with you beside me every morning.
Comfortable, relax, happy, secured.
Right now, I can't give any of that.
My state, my future, my attitude is not secured.
I can only work to achieve those for myself before I can offer those.
Until then, I am on my own.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Time
Time is continuously moving, even though humans created the concept of time.
However, it seems like I am always behind time.
I am lagging in terms of time.
I am always missing opportunities.
Wrong timing with planning.
Wrong timing with people.
Wrong timing with love.
When we look at time, we are already behind.
When we look at time, time is already one second ahead of us.
I am lagging more and more on time.
People on TV whom I used to watch as a kid pass away one by one.
People are getting engaged and married.
People are having kids.
Yet, I am still sitting here looking back at the past.
Lagging in time.
I don't know how to catch up.
Right now, time is against me.
Timing is everything.
I hope I can catch up.
I need to the strength to go on.
When I do catch up, I hope I am not too late.
Time does not wait for people.
Some people do not wait for people.
Only I am stupid enough to wait.
However, it seems like I am always behind time.
I am lagging in terms of time.
I am always missing opportunities.
Wrong timing with planning.
Wrong timing with people.
Wrong timing with love.
When we look at time, we are already behind.
When we look at time, time is already one second ahead of us.
I am lagging more and more on time.
People on TV whom I used to watch as a kid pass away one by one.
People are getting engaged and married.
People are having kids.
Yet, I am still sitting here looking back at the past.
Lagging in time.
I don't know how to catch up.
Right now, time is against me.
Timing is everything.
I hope I can catch up.
I need to the strength to go on.
When I do catch up, I hope I am not too late.
Time does not wait for people.
Some people do not wait for people.
Only I am stupid enough to wait.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Stress...
I don't have summer school, I don't have homework, I don't have exams.
I don't care too much about work.
Yet, my body is telling me I am stressed.
I eat less. I lose my appetite easily. At least I eat less like a pig.
It should be a good thing.
However, it comes as a price.
Mentally, emotionally, I am in the dumps.
Everyday, I watch Running Man just to make myself a bit happy.
Every night, I looped my YouTube playlist to fall asleep.
I am coughing up a storm everyday.
I think depression is coming back again.
Right now, I don't have anything to look forward to.
I look at my phone for no reason.
Hoping for the impossible.
Everything is routine.
I feel... depressed...
I don't care too much about work.
Yet, my body is telling me I am stressed.
I eat less. I lose my appetite easily. At least I eat less like a pig.
It should be a good thing.
However, it comes as a price.
Mentally, emotionally, I am in the dumps.
Everyday, I watch Running Man just to make myself a bit happy.
Every night, I looped my YouTube playlist to fall asleep.
I am coughing up a storm everyday.
I think depression is coming back again.
Right now, I don't have anything to look forward to.
I look at my phone for no reason.
Hoping for the impossible.
Everything is routine.
I feel... depressed...
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Private Diary
My one and only private only diary will be shutting down soon due to insufficient funding.
Xanga...
I grew up with Xanga. I used to blog on Xanga.
After a heartbreak in 2007, I created a private one just for diary, usually for depressing posts.
Now that it may be shutting, I feel a little pieces of my past is breaking off again.
The worst part of all, it is shutting down on July 15, 2013.
I don't know whether that's a slap in the face or a message.
Can this year be so bad?
I feel like I am being played by life.
Xanga has always been my dark attic, my sanctuary.
With Xanga gone, I don't know where to go that can provide private thoughts.
Xanga...
I grew up with Xanga. I used to blog on Xanga.
After a heartbreak in 2007, I created a private one just for diary, usually for depressing posts.
Now that it may be shutting, I feel a little pieces of my past is breaking off again.
The worst part of all, it is shutting down on July 15, 2013.
I don't know whether that's a slap in the face or a message.
Can this year be so bad?
I feel like I am being played by life.
Xanga has always been my dark attic, my sanctuary.
With Xanga gone, I don't know where to go that can provide private thoughts.
Lullaby
Troubled sleep every night.
I feel like it's never ending.
Every morning, I wish it was just a bad dream.
It's not.
I need compilation of ballad to make me sleep.
It may not be happy ballad but it calms my mind a bit.
I feel like it's never ending.
Every morning, I wish it was just a bad dream.
It's not.
I need compilation of ballad to make me sleep.
It may not be happy ballad but it calms my mind a bit.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
꺼져 줄게 잘 살아
(You) 내가 살았던 이유 (You) were my reason to live.
(You) 내가 원했던 전부 (You) were everything I’ve ever wanted.
You~
너하나만 바라봐주던 나잖아 You, it’s me, who used to care about no one else but you.
(Why) 왜 날 떠나는거야 (Why), why are you leaving from my side?
(Why) 왜 날 버리는거야 (Why), why are you throwing me away?
어차피 이럴거면서 You were gonna be like this anyways,
왜 날 사랑한거니 so why did you love me?
혹시 그날 생각 나 Do you remember that day,
우리 처음 만난 날 The day when we’ve met for first time?
아직도 난 생각나 I still remember it,
네가 했던 약속이 Those words you’ve promised.
나만 아껴주고 That you will only care for me,
나만 지키고 That you will only protect me,
나만 사랑한다고 That you will only love me
(You) 내가 원했던 전부 (You) were everything I’ve ever wanted.
You~
너하나만 바라봐주던 나잖아 You, it’s me, who used to care about no one else but you.
(Why) 왜 날 떠나는거야 (Why), why are you leaving from my side?
(Why) 왜 날 버리는거야 (Why), why are you throwing me away?
어차피 이럴거면서 You were gonna be like this anyways,
왜 날 사랑한거니 so why did you love me?
혹시 그날 생각 나 Do you remember that day,
우리 처음 만난 날 The day when we’ve met for first time?
아직도 난 생각나 I still remember it,
네가 했던 약속이 Those words you’ve promised.
나만 아껴주고 That you will only care for me,
나만 지키고 That you will only protect me,
나만 사랑한다고 That you will only love me
Time slip...
Everyday, time seems go fly by slowly.
It gives me more time to think.
More time to feel the pain.
So many what ifs.
None of those matter anymore.
What's done is done.
I just have to endure the pain.
Someone please take the pain away from me.
It gives me more time to think.
More time to feel the pain.
So many what ifs.
None of those matter anymore.
What's done is done.
I just have to endure the pain.
Someone please take the pain away from me.
>>>Love
It seems like I am the person who always love more than the other.
If there is a girl out there who is afraid to lose me as much as I am afraid to lose her, I would marry that girl.
I just want a girl who is willing to chase me back, whether it is after fights or upset situations. Because deep down, I will always forgive her if she makes the equal amount of effort.
If there is a girl out there who is afraid to lose me as much as I am afraid to lose her, I would marry that girl.
I just want a girl who is willing to chase me back, whether it is after fights or upset situations. Because deep down, I will always forgive her if she makes the equal amount of effort.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Turbulence
Still feeling ups and downs, mostly downs.
I don't know why I am still holding on to that tiny little bit of hope, knowing damn well that it is over.
I want to tell her how I feel. At the same time, it is probably too late. Telling her now will not do any good. It feels horrible to love someone and no one knows about it. I am not talking about infatuation or crush. Real love. I have experience moment of a lifetime. Something I don't want to lose, especially a person to someone else. She is limited edition and I want her.
I want her in my life forever. However, not as a friend.. not like this right now. I need some space to think. I have put in too much time and heart and feelings into this to be friends. I just can't do it.
However, there are still so much I need to do before that... Maybe, we weren't meant to be. I don't deserve someone so great. If I do, I'll be the luckiest person in the world.
For now, I can only sit in my room and think back the past. Hopefully one day, I can relive the good memories with the same person.
I don't know why I am still holding on to that tiny little bit of hope, knowing damn well that it is over.
I want to tell her how I feel. At the same time, it is probably too late. Telling her now will not do any good. It feels horrible to love someone and no one knows about it. I am not talking about infatuation or crush. Real love. I have experience moment of a lifetime. Something I don't want to lose, especially a person to someone else. She is limited edition and I want her.
I want her in my life forever. However, not as a friend.. not like this right now. I need some space to think. I have put in too much time and heart and feelings into this to be friends. I just can't do it.
However, there are still so much I need to do before that... Maybe, we weren't meant to be. I don't deserve someone so great. If I do, I'll be the luckiest person in the world.
For now, I can only sit in my room and think back the past. Hopefully one day, I can relive the good memories with the same person.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Depressing thoughts...
I am really tired today but I couldn't sleep...
All these negative thoughts about the past is creeping up again. They have been affecting me everyday.
I can't seem to get rid of them.
I really need to tell someone and let them out.
I need to cry it out but I can't force the tears out.
Why did I assume it was for me?
Why did I give myself this false hope?
"Everything will be alright."
Nothing is alright right now.
I feel like punching things, throwing things, screaming in the middle of the night.
I feel like I am having an emotional breakdown leading up anytime.
Yet, I am unable to release them.
Fuck, this fucking sucks.
All these negative thoughts about the past is creeping up again. They have been affecting me everyday.
I can't seem to get rid of them.
I really need to tell someone and let them out.
I need to cry it out but I can't force the tears out.
Why did I assume it was for me?
Why did I give myself this false hope?
"Everything will be alright."
Nothing is alright right now.
I feel like punching things, throwing things, screaming in the middle of the night.
I feel like I am having an emotional breakdown leading up anytime.
Yet, I am unable to release them.
Fuck, this fucking sucks.
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