Early mornings...

Lately, on my days off, like today. I am up fairly early.
It may not be 7am or 8am but still better than 12pm.
It may be my sickness, I don't know.
Usually I just sit in my bed and check emails, browse around for an hour or so.
Right now, most of the time is just thinking back the past, wishing and hoping for the future.
How much I missed out on little things that don't seem to matter.

The saying was right,
"You don't know how much something's worth until you lose it."
If I ever get it back, I would never let it go.
Every morning, I would think she would be beside me.
I would stare at her sleeping face with a silly smile.
To me, that's love.
Waking up with you beside me every morning.
Comfortable, relax, happy, secured.


Right now, I can't give any of that.
My state, my future, my attitude is not secured.
I can only work to achieve those for myself before I can offer those.
Until then, I am on my own.