Just woke up in the middle of the night after a troubling dream...
I don't know what to make of it.
The troubling thoughts came back to haunt me.
Finally having a better sleep since sick, now I am awake.
Watched a podcast today talking about losing someone you care and love.
They said it's nature to be sad throughout the process.
It shows you have feeling for that someone.
All this time, I still do.
I can't show it because that someone doesn't feel the same way.
I still can't comprehend the fact that I lost her.
What should I do?
Letting go is not easy and I don't want to.
How can people let go of someone who mean the world to you?
I don't know how others do that...
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
The Simpsons: Homer Buddha
Finally received Kidrobot's Homer Buddha; thankfully, they restock.
The box was huge. I didn't expect to be the box to be that big.
Inside the box is the Homer Buddha. It doesn't have a lot of accessories, only a pretzel and a chain of beads.
This is the sealed version.
Once it's opened, you can open the beads and pretzel into his hands. Also, his head can turn.
For $50.00 USD, it was pretty good for 6 inch collectible. It was on sale for approximate $35.00 USD during Memorial Day; however, there was no sale for shipping to Canada.
The box was huge. I didn't expect to be the box to be that big.
Once it's opened, you can open the beads and pretzel into his hands. Also, his head can turn.
For $50.00 USD, it was pretty good for 6 inch collectible. It was on sale for approximate $35.00 USD during Memorial Day; however, there was no sale for shipping to Canada.
Early mornings...
Lately, on my days off, like today. I am up fairly early.
It may not be 7am or 8am but still better than 12pm.
It may be my sickness, I don't know.
Usually I just sit in my bed and check emails, browse around for an hour or so.
Right now, most of the time is just thinking back the past, wishing and hoping for the future.
How much I missed out on little things that don't seem to matter.
The saying was right,
"You don't know how much something's worth until you lose it."
If I ever get it back, I would never let it go.
Every morning, I would think she would be beside me.
I would stare at her sleeping face with a silly smile.
To me, that's love.
Waking up with you beside me every morning.
Comfortable, relax, happy, secured.
Right now, I can't give any of that.
My state, my future, my attitude is not secured.
I can only work to achieve those for myself before I can offer those.
Until then, I am on my own.
It may not be 7am or 8am but still better than 12pm.
It may be my sickness, I don't know.
Usually I just sit in my bed and check emails, browse around for an hour or so.
Right now, most of the time is just thinking back the past, wishing and hoping for the future.
How much I missed out on little things that don't seem to matter.
The saying was right,
"You don't know how much something's worth until you lose it."
If I ever get it back, I would never let it go.
Every morning, I would think she would be beside me.
I would stare at her sleeping face with a silly smile.
To me, that's love.
Waking up with you beside me every morning.
Comfortable, relax, happy, secured.
Right now, I can't give any of that.
My state, my future, my attitude is not secured.
I can only work to achieve those for myself before I can offer those.
Until then, I am on my own.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Time
Time is continuously moving, even though humans created the concept of time.
However, it seems like I am always behind time.
I am lagging in terms of time.
I am always missing opportunities.
Wrong timing with planning.
Wrong timing with people.
Wrong timing with love.
When we look at time, we are already behind.
When we look at time, time is already one second ahead of us.
I am lagging more and more on time.
People on TV whom I used to watch as a kid pass away one by one.
People are getting engaged and married.
People are having kids.
Yet, I am still sitting here looking back at the past.
Lagging in time.
I don't know how to catch up.
Right now, time is against me.
Timing is everything.
I hope I can catch up.
I need to the strength to go on.
When I do catch up, I hope I am not too late.
Time does not wait for people.
Some people do not wait for people.
Only I am stupid enough to wait.
However, it seems like I am always behind time.
I am lagging in terms of time.
I am always missing opportunities.
Wrong timing with planning.
Wrong timing with people.
Wrong timing with love.
When we look at time, we are already behind.
When we look at time, time is already one second ahead of us.
I am lagging more and more on time.
People on TV whom I used to watch as a kid pass away one by one.
People are getting engaged and married.
People are having kids.
Yet, I am still sitting here looking back at the past.
Lagging in time.
I don't know how to catch up.
Right now, time is against me.
Timing is everything.
I hope I can catch up.
I need to the strength to go on.
When I do catch up, I hope I am not too late.
Time does not wait for people.
Some people do not wait for people.
Only I am stupid enough to wait.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Stress...
I don't have summer school, I don't have homework, I don't have exams.
I don't care too much about work.
Yet, my body is telling me I am stressed.
I eat less. I lose my appetite easily. At least I eat less like a pig.
It should be a good thing.
However, it comes as a price.
Mentally, emotionally, I am in the dumps.
Everyday, I watch Running Man just to make myself a bit happy.
Every night, I looped my YouTube playlist to fall asleep.
I am coughing up a storm everyday.
I think depression is coming back again.
Right now, I don't have anything to look forward to.
I look at my phone for no reason.
Hoping for the impossible.
Everything is routine.
I feel... depressed...
I don't care too much about work.
Yet, my body is telling me I am stressed.
I eat less. I lose my appetite easily. At least I eat less like a pig.
It should be a good thing.
However, it comes as a price.
Mentally, emotionally, I am in the dumps.
Everyday, I watch Running Man just to make myself a bit happy.
Every night, I looped my YouTube playlist to fall asleep.
I am coughing up a storm everyday.
I think depression is coming back again.
Right now, I don't have anything to look forward to.
I look at my phone for no reason.
Hoping for the impossible.
Everything is routine.
I feel... depressed...
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Private Diary
My one and only private only diary will be shutting down soon due to insufficient funding.
Xanga...
I grew up with Xanga. I used to blog on Xanga.
After a heartbreak in 2007, I created a private one just for diary, usually for depressing posts.
Now that it may be shutting, I feel a little pieces of my past is breaking off again.
The worst part of all, it is shutting down on July 15, 2013.
I don't know whether that's a slap in the face or a message.
Can this year be so bad?
I feel like I am being played by life.
Xanga has always been my dark attic, my sanctuary.
With Xanga gone, I don't know where to go that can provide private thoughts.
Xanga...
I grew up with Xanga. I used to blog on Xanga.
After a heartbreak in 2007, I created a private one just for diary, usually for depressing posts.
Now that it may be shutting, I feel a little pieces of my past is breaking off again.
The worst part of all, it is shutting down on July 15, 2013.
I don't know whether that's a slap in the face or a message.
Can this year be so bad?
I feel like I am being played by life.
Xanga has always been my dark attic, my sanctuary.
With Xanga gone, I don't know where to go that can provide private thoughts.
Lullaby
Troubled sleep every night.
I feel like it's never ending.
Every morning, I wish it was just a bad dream.
It's not.
I need compilation of ballad to make me sleep.
It may not be happy ballad but it calms my mind a bit.
I feel like it's never ending.
Every morning, I wish it was just a bad dream.
It's not.
I need compilation of ballad to make me sleep.
It may not be happy ballad but it calms my mind a bit.
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