I don't have summer school, I don't have homework, I don't have exams.
I don't care too much about work.
Yet, my body is telling me I am stressed.
I eat less. I lose my appetite easily. At least I eat less like a pig.
It should be a good thing.
However, it comes as a price.
Mentally, emotionally, I am in the dumps.
Everyday, I watch Running Man just to make myself a bit happy.
Every night, I looped my YouTube playlist to fall asleep.
I am coughing up a storm everyday.
I think depression is coming back again.
Right now, I don't have anything to look forward to.
I look at my phone for no reason.
Hoping for the impossible.
Everything is routine.
I feel... depressed...
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Private Diary
My one and only private only diary will be shutting down soon due to insufficient funding.
Xanga...
I grew up with Xanga. I used to blog on Xanga.
After a heartbreak in 2007, I created a private one just for diary, usually for depressing posts.
Now that it may be shutting, I feel a little pieces of my past is breaking off again.
The worst part of all, it is shutting down on July 15, 2013.
I don't know whether that's a slap in the face or a message.
Can this year be so bad?
I feel like I am being played by life.
Xanga has always been my dark attic, my sanctuary.
With Xanga gone, I don't know where to go that can provide private thoughts.
Xanga...
I grew up with Xanga. I used to blog on Xanga.
After a heartbreak in 2007, I created a private one just for diary, usually for depressing posts.
Now that it may be shutting, I feel a little pieces of my past is breaking off again.
The worst part of all, it is shutting down on July 15, 2013.
I don't know whether that's a slap in the face or a message.
Can this year be so bad?
I feel like I am being played by life.
Xanga has always been my dark attic, my sanctuary.
With Xanga gone, I don't know where to go that can provide private thoughts.
Lullaby
Troubled sleep every night.
I feel like it's never ending.
Every morning, I wish it was just a bad dream.
It's not.
I need compilation of ballad to make me sleep.
It may not be happy ballad but it calms my mind a bit.
I feel like it's never ending.
Every morning, I wish it was just a bad dream.
It's not.
I need compilation of ballad to make me sleep.
It may not be happy ballad but it calms my mind a bit.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
꺼져 줄게 잘 살아
(You) 내가 살았던 이유 (You) were my reason to live.
(You) 내가 원했던 전부 (You) were everything I’ve ever wanted.
You~
너하나만 바라봐주던 나잖아 You, it’s me, who used to care about no one else but you.
(Why) 왜 날 떠나는거야 (Why), why are you leaving from my side?
(Why) 왜 날 버리는거야 (Why), why are you throwing me away?
어차피 이럴거면서 You were gonna be like this anyways,
왜 날 사랑한거니 so why did you love me?
혹시 그날 생각 나 Do you remember that day,
우리 처음 만난 날 The day when we’ve met for first time?
아직도 난 생각나 I still remember it,
네가 했던 약속이 Those words you’ve promised.
나만 아껴주고 That you will only care for me,
나만 지키고 That you will only protect me,
나만 사랑한다고 That you will only love me
(You) 내가 원했던 전부 (You) were everything I’ve ever wanted.
You~
너하나만 바라봐주던 나잖아 You, it’s me, who used to care about no one else but you.
(Why) 왜 날 떠나는거야 (Why), why are you leaving from my side?
(Why) 왜 날 버리는거야 (Why), why are you throwing me away?
어차피 이럴거면서 You were gonna be like this anyways,
왜 날 사랑한거니 so why did you love me?
혹시 그날 생각 나 Do you remember that day,
우리 처음 만난 날 The day when we’ve met for first time?
아직도 난 생각나 I still remember it,
네가 했던 약속이 Those words you’ve promised.
나만 아껴주고 That you will only care for me,
나만 지키고 That you will only protect me,
나만 사랑한다고 That you will only love me
Time slip...
Everyday, time seems go fly by slowly.
It gives me more time to think.
More time to feel the pain.
So many what ifs.
None of those matter anymore.
What's done is done.
I just have to endure the pain.
Someone please take the pain away from me.
It gives me more time to think.
More time to feel the pain.
So many what ifs.
None of those matter anymore.
What's done is done.
I just have to endure the pain.
Someone please take the pain away from me.
>>>Love
It seems like I am the person who always love more than the other.
If there is a girl out there who is afraid to lose me as much as I am afraid to lose her, I would marry that girl.
I just want a girl who is willing to chase me back, whether it is after fights or upset situations. Because deep down, I will always forgive her if she makes the equal amount of effort.
If there is a girl out there who is afraid to lose me as much as I am afraid to lose her, I would marry that girl.
I just want a girl who is willing to chase me back, whether it is after fights or upset situations. Because deep down, I will always forgive her if she makes the equal amount of effort.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Turbulence
Still feeling ups and downs, mostly downs.
I don't know why I am still holding on to that tiny little bit of hope, knowing damn well that it is over.
I want to tell her how I feel. At the same time, it is probably too late. Telling her now will not do any good. It feels horrible to love someone and no one knows about it. I am not talking about infatuation or crush. Real love. I have experience moment of a lifetime. Something I don't want to lose, especially a person to someone else. She is limited edition and I want her.
I want her in my life forever. However, not as a friend.. not like this right now. I need some space to think. I have put in too much time and heart and feelings into this to be friends. I just can't do it.
However, there are still so much I need to do before that... Maybe, we weren't meant to be. I don't deserve someone so great. If I do, I'll be the luckiest person in the world.
For now, I can only sit in my room and think back the past. Hopefully one day, I can relive the good memories with the same person.
I don't know why I am still holding on to that tiny little bit of hope, knowing damn well that it is over.
I want to tell her how I feel. At the same time, it is probably too late. Telling her now will not do any good. It feels horrible to love someone and no one knows about it. I am not talking about infatuation or crush. Real love. I have experience moment of a lifetime. Something I don't want to lose, especially a person to someone else. She is limited edition and I want her.
I want her in my life forever. However, not as a friend.. not like this right now. I need some space to think. I have put in too much time and heart and feelings into this to be friends. I just can't do it.
However, there are still so much I need to do before that... Maybe, we weren't meant to be. I don't deserve someone so great. If I do, I'll be the luckiest person in the world.
For now, I can only sit in my room and think back the past. Hopefully one day, I can relive the good memories with the same person.
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