Lullaby

Troubled sleep every night.
I feel like it's never ending.
Every morning, I wish it was just a bad dream.
It's not.

I need compilation of ballad to make me sleep.
It may not be happy ballad but it calms my mind a bit.

꺼져 줄게 잘 살아

(You) 내가 살았던 이유           (You) were my reason to live.
(You) 내가 원했던 전부           (You) were everything I’ve ever wanted.
You~
너하나만 바라봐주던 나잖아      You, it’s me, who used to care about no one else but you.
(Why) 왜 날 떠나는거야          (Why), why are you leaving from my side?
(Why) 왜 날 버리는거야          (Why), why are you throwing me away?
어차피 이럴거면서                  You were gonna be like this anyways,
왜 날 사랑한거니                    so why did you love me?


혹시 그날 생각 나          Do you remember that day,
우리 처음 만난 날          The day when we’ve met for first time?
아직도 난 생각나           I still remember it,
네가 했던 약속이           Those words you’ve promised.
나만 아껴주고                That you will only care for me,
나만 지키고                    That you will only protect me,
나만 사랑한다고            That you will only love me

Time slip...

Everyday, time seems go fly by slowly.
It gives me more time to think.
More time to feel the pain.

So many what ifs.
None of those matter anymore.
What's done is done.
I just have to endure the pain.

Someone please take the pain away from me.

>>>Love

It seems like I am the person who always love more than the other.
If there is a girl out there who is afraid to lose me as much as I am afraid to lose her, I would marry that girl.
I just want a girl who is willing to chase me back, whether it is after fights or upset situations. Because deep down, I will always forgive her if she makes the equal amount of effort.

Turbulence

Still feeling ups and downs, mostly downs.

I don't know why I am still holding on to that tiny little bit of hope, knowing damn well that it is over.

I want to tell her how I feel. At the same time, it is probably too late. Telling her now will not do any good. It feels horrible to love someone and no one knows about it. I am not talking about infatuation or crush. Real love. I have experience moment of a lifetime. Something I don't want to lose, especially a person to someone else. She is limited edition and I want her.

I want her in my life forever. However, not as a friend.. not like this right now. I need some space to think. I have put in too much time and heart and feelings into this to be friends. I just can't do it.

However, there are still so much I need to do before that... Maybe, we weren't meant to be. I don't deserve someone so great. If I do, I'll be the luckiest person in the world.

For now, I can only sit in my room and think back the past. Hopefully one day, I can relive the good memories with the same person.

Depressing thoughts...

I am really tired today but I couldn't sleep...

All these negative thoughts about the past is creeping up again. They have been affecting me everyday.
I can't seem to get rid of them.

I really need to tell someone and let them out.
I need to cry it out but I can't force the tears out.

Why did I assume it was for me?
Why did I give myself this false hope?
"Everything will be alright."
Nothing is alright right now.
I feel like punching things, throwing things, screaming in the middle of the night.
I feel like I am having an emotional breakdown leading up anytime.
Yet, I am unable to release them.

Fuck, this fucking sucks.

Outlet of emotions

It actually feels nice to be writing again.
Whether to an audience of ghost or computer search-bots, it feels nice. My soul and emotion needs some healing time. Writing does help a bit. Now I understand why people write diaries and why I started blogging for the first time. It's fun for myself. It's an outlet for panted up emotions. I feel better after every blog or diary.
My two trusty sites: Blogspot and *somewhere secret.

I will probably write more as I recover from the second Rock Bottom. I must be a horrible person if I want someone to experience this bottom pit. Some people will always say, "I know how you feel." I would always reply, "No, you don't. Fuck off!" Hahahaha.

Right now, I am truly thankful for one friend who forgave me for deserting her for past couple years. I never gave a reason; I just never respond. I met her back in high school. We would always chat about random stuff. Emotional support type of talk. I was always there to listen to her sorrows and helped her with depression. I was always a good listener to her. As close as we were, we clearly knew our boundaries; that's because we had a crush with each other at different time, ouch. We talked it over and agreed on what we are now. It's really hard for a clear-boundary guy-girl friendship. This blog turns random and rambling on again as I always do. I tend to drift away with different thoughts. I kind of like it. Maybe that's why I like ice cream. Wait... what? Just kidding... What I meant to say is why I tend to pick up different knowledge from random places. Oh... I miss my National Geographic Channel...